Just a quick rant

By Mink

I just got back from the grocery store and as usual did not get a clean swipe of my credit card. Without fail my checkout is like shooting an advertisement as it takes at least 2 or 3 cuts. I'm presuming this is solely my problem as I could add it to the list of basic everday things I don't know how to do such as throwing a spiral on a football or even blowing my nose. Anyone else have swiping issues?

Email Subject Lines: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

By Mink

It took me a number of years but I really have embraced the world of the emailing and use it quite frequently. However I think I would send even more emails out if I didn’t have to worry about composing that short but annoying little hurdle of the subject line phrase. Here is a review of some subject line phrases. The good the bad and the ugly.

THE GOOD:
"Yo": This is a personal favorite of mine. Its informal, slangy and catches the reader’s attention. It also is effective because it is a pretty non-threatening and neutral greeting. For example a girl won’t necessarily assume you are hitting on her with this subject line even if in actuality you are. So the bottom line is this is an excellent salutation because it is not intimidating and the slanginess of the word draws the reader into the email.

The Running Start: This is when the writer begins his email in the subject line by inserting the first couple of words. Example: Subject: "Minkove is a"…….(the email would then begin with something like “an F*****A****** and I hope he and that other F***** blogger (Zev) go F***** themselves)"……These are solid because they draw the reader in and don’t leave us guessing the reason behind the writers choice for the subject line.


The Random Comment: I like doing this one too cuz it allows me to insert something into an email that I otherwise would have nowhere else to insert. Example: I need to write a serious email to my friend about trying to save Arrested Development from going off the air. As I write the email I also want to express my frustration regarding the performance of the Ravens from earlier in the day. But as I write the email I realize that I will be unable to work a Ravens jab into the email without ruining the serious tone of the subject at hand. So I would pull something like this Subject : “Ravens are gross.” The reader would nod approvingly and then smoothly switch gears to the message at hand.


THE BAD and the UGLY:

"Hi" "Hey" or "Hello": These aren’t awful but I try to shy away from them because they are far too boiler plate. Of all of these I prefer the hello as it conveys a more playful tone,

"No Subject": You just have to give me some idea why I should take time out of my allotted wasted time online to read your email.

"Fwd": If I see this in the subject line odds are I am going to delete it unless I am warned ahead of time. When I see this my brain immediately flashes back to the previous “fwd” subject lines that I have sent to at least 10 people and not collected any money or even have had a good week as promised by the fwder.

Have a great day and feel free to share the subject lines that warm your heart or make you cringe.

SNACKS Awards

By Singerz

You can’t dispute it, I am a snack expert. I may not be a great student or “pass” my classes. I might not be socially “normal.” But when it comes to snacks, I know my s***. And when I say s***, I mean shit.

And now, the 2005 SNACKS awards:

Best overall snack: No brainer. Twizzler’s Cherry Nibs. Not the ridged kind (OBVIOUSLY). Scrumptious, refreshing, and delicious snack. I defy you to name a better snack. Cherry, soft, licorice. My mouth is watering typing this.

Best cereal (has to be sugar cereal, no one in their right mind would have a non-sugar cereal as there favorite cereal. If you do, you’re too grown up and you’re gross): Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Perfect mix of cinnamon, toast, and crunch. Can eat it any time. Only problem: milk leftovers a little nasty. The milk leftovers award goes to Coca Puffs but the Toast Crunch hangs on to the overall, despite this negative milk trait.

Best Soda: Tough category since I recently made an extremely embarrassing switch to diet soda, for health reasons that only me and my doctor (Dr. Pepper) know. Not withstanding this mortifying lifestyle change to diet, the best overall soda is a two-way tie between Dr. Brown’s Cream soda and good ole Cherry Coke. I know many of you will argue for Dr. Browns Black Cherry, but I like to save cough medicine for when I have a cold (oooooh I busted you, take THAT black cherry).

Best snack not in existence anymore: Cherry and Bubb. Mike and Ike made a grave error by taking this off of the shelves. Support: You stick your hand in. You get a cherry? AMAZING. You get a Bubb? GLORIOUS. You can’t lose. It’s like a grab-bag Hanukah party except there’s no crappy picture frame gift- every present is amazing.

Worst snack (not including fake snacks, like carrot sticks or celery with peanut butter, kids who grew up with those “snacks” are traumatized): Black jelly beans. An embarrassment to an otherwise unbelievable snack, which is why they are so bad. Should be sold in their own separate bag of just black jelly beans for the weirdos who like them. I’m not a proponent of segregation, but this exception must be made. The injustice shall not stand. (What the hell am I talking about you ask? I’m just not sure.)

And finally, the weirdest unknown snack: Fried farmer’s cheese. I get my share of mockery about this one, but buttering up a pan and frying farmers cheese is one of the most delicious things G-d put on this earth. Try it. All of this is a matter of taste and opinion anyway (no its not, I’m correct about all of it).

Oh, and if you disagree about any of the above, please post, citing sources.

House stench

By Mink

Have you ever noticed that the house you grew up in has a unique aroma that your friends all know and analyze? Of course you don't because apparently it is impossible to know your own family's stench.

For example, I have a friend whose family's aroma is the most distinct of anyone else I know. I could actually smell his living room when he would pull out his wallet in the law school cafeteria. But the crazy thing is he only learned of his family smell when he came into my apartment and told me it smelled like the Minkove family's home. I of course also didn't realize we had a family scent (besides the natural B.O. and methane that my brother, father, and I provided.) NOTE: THE FEMALES IN OUR FAMILY ALSO RIP THEM QUITE OFTEN BUT THEY SOMEHOW RUN ON SILENT MOTORS. Anyway we both were mystified that we even had the house stench and extremely curious about what the hell our respective smells smelled like. (I guess I would label his as a "musky historic wood scent."

So I was wondering a couple things from you all:

1. Is there a such thing as house stench?

2. If they do exist, what makes a good or bad smell? and how do we even describe one? (besides "uch smells like minkove")

3. Is it possible for the family stench to travel with you when you move into a new place? and what happens when there is a collision of stenches(i.e. the rosy engelhart smell and minkove stench)?

Have a wonderful turkey day and happy bday to SingerZ, and another former roomie Cranker Joe Anker.

Pet peeves

By Singerz

Todays pet peeves: (feel free to add your own)

1) When you call someone and start to leave a voicemail and then they call you on the other line and so your voicemail is awkward... "so call me...oh look,there you are, calling me now."
2) Pizza that is soggy on the bottom. Its a tease, looks good, and tastes like crap.
3) Blogs that put up too many postings.
4) That arrogant paper clip asshole from microsoft word who pops in to "help" you.
5) The old men in the gym lockerroom who mock me for not going in the steam room buck naked. (more on this to come at a later time)

Interviews

By Mink

So I have 2 interviews today but I'm really not in the mood for the whole ordeal. I'm sick of looking for the magic bullshit catch phrases to turn someone on. It is the same reason I don't enjoy going on dates. So maybe I should just start being more like myself during these things. I bet a judge or fellowship professor is just dying to hire a ball-scratching, potty-mouthed kid who spends saturday nights dancing behind the food stand at the bowling alley with the 17 year old workers. Or maybe I should just bring my playstation along, people I know always seem to love having "next game."

V-necks

By Mink

For years I made fun of my dad for walking around the house in the V-shaped undershirt. So I always would get the standard white tshirts or the sleeveless wife beater. But recently I have learned that my dad actually had the right idea. The V-neck is the ultimate hybrid of an undershirt. Like the wife beater, it has the feature of not being visible when worn under another shirt. I'm not sure why this is great but for some reason I like some of my gross chest hair to be visible. At the same time it has the under arm sweat protection that the standard undershirt offers and the sleeveless beater does not. At 25 I have aged 30 years with this switch but I am damn proud of it and recommend highly to the masses. The switch to tightie whities however is something I am not prepared to do at least for another 20 years.

hello gang

By Mink

Welcome to the madness.....If you are reading this you also have problems so I hope you enjoy and please feel free to chime in....We have some wonderful columnists at this blog. But none is more renowned than my weekend nutjob of a guest, Zevie Singer...Mr. Singer, currently a moot court member at Cardozo school of law, is the loudest whisperer you will ever meet and believes that fried cheese and iced tea is the cure for his constantly upset stomach. My roomate, Benjamin Engelhart will also freelance here. This kid's idea of a perfect evening is sitting shirtless, listening to salsa music while refreshing craigslist 42 times a minute. Let the games begin.....Suggestions (only ridiculous ones) are always appreciated.....And if you hate this don't worry it will still entertain me and that of course is the only thing that really matters.

Welcome to Garbage

Jon may not be the best law student, or at least according to the State of Maryland and their punk ass "Bar Association."

But when push comes to shove, people get hurt. Also, no one will argue that this young man is a g-ddamned GENIUS of garbage. We're talking nobel prize of garbage, if you will. We're talking the summa cume lade of crap, if you will. The wizard of bullshit, if you will.

So welcome to Mink's Garbage Dump blog. You will get a minor glimpse of the trash that goes on in this man's sick head, and sometimes some of his less-sick-but-still-pretty-freakin-sick friends.

singerz