Friday, July 04, 2008

Welcome Back: Some Things From My Head

by singerz

It has been so long that I forgot we had a blog. You may have thought that we threw in the towel. Turns out, the towel was just sweaty and filthy and needed a good ‘ol “how’s your father.” Here are some things that come directly from my head. Don't judge me. Unless you like them, and then judge me favorably:

I met a black-smith this weekend. His name was Rondell Smith. He called me a racist.

The more I go through in life, the more I can see the writing on the wall. It’s actually more like graffiti than writing, its on the wall in a subway tunnel, and it says: “For a hott tyme call that bitch Gina at 212 -333-4528.”

I have problems. Eating-wise I mean. Eating Wise Potato chips. Delicious, but hurts my teeth.

I saw a sign on the street that said “Cheap Jewelry” but I thought it said “Cheap Jewry.” And I agreed.

One of my dad’s friends is weird- he compensates for things in weird ways. He bought a really shitty car to compensate for his large package.

I like my women like I like my scotch. Older than 15 years and smokey.

Last week at CVS, I was buying cough medicine, antibiotics, advil, pepto bismol, tissues, and nausea pills. I got up to the counter and the clerk asked me “How are you doing today, sir?” I answered her: My throat hurts, I have cellulites, I have a headache, my stomach hurts, my nose is running, and I am nauseous. You asked. How are you?

The other day, I took out money from a bank. But I didn’t have an account there and I used a gun. I was arrested.

A few weeks ago I was in Atlantic City and sitting in a hottub with 3 guy friends. The jets were running, and we were chilling. Suddenly, the jets turned off and 4 guys found themselves sitting in a small pool of still warm water with their shirts off. No one made eye contact. Someone turned the jets back on, and the situation returned to normal. And I realized something. The difference between a hottub versus an awkward bath in warm water with 3 of your friends is: bubbles.


Anonymous Kalir said...

I have to disagree with you, i think the difference between a hottub versus an awkward bath in warm water with 3 of your friends is: A bathing suit.

1:40 PM  
Anonymous singerz said...

Excellent observation, Mr. Rudd.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Lance Tankman said...

Haha really funny, i like what you post, and i love the name of your blog the garbage dump! In Toronto we sometimes have those big tubs which can act as a hot tub. Crazy!

2:29 PM  

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