Friday, July 13, 2007

Cheezits and the Secret to Maintaining Your Youthfulness (or Immaturity)

By Mink

I feel that it is worth sharing that Cheezits have moved slightly ahead of the chewy Chips Ahoy cookies in my top snack position. Nothing against the heavenly cookies, but the Cheezits are just so versatile that I haven't been able to think of a time or place where they don't belong. For example, they work much better at the pool than the easily meltable cookies. I also very much enjoy saying the word Cheezit despite the fact that I had pretty bad acne in 11th grade.

Speaking of snacks, I was recently at this soiree in D.C. where I came across some lovely fruit platters (ok that sentence reads like a line from an email I would get from my mother). Anyway, as I was filling up a couple platefuls with some watermelon slices, pineapples, berries etc, I wondered to myself why I don't eat fruit nearly as much as say Cheezits (did I mention I like that word).

But when I thought about it, it made perfect sense. I don't eat fruit often purely because I am a lazy bastard. I will see some great looking pineapples and decide that I just am not in the mood to get my hands all sticky. Or I may see a great looking stash of cherries and decide that it's not worth it to spit out some seeds or alternatively that it would be unpleasant to swallow them. Or I may get a craving for an orange which suddenly disapears when I open the fridge and realize that I need to spend 10 minutes injuring myself undressing the damn thing. (For the record, the previous sentence was not intended to be a metaphor for anything else you sick wise-asses). The moral of the story is that as much as I enjoy all types of fruit, I really have to get myself in the mood for the whole ordeal. (ok that paragraph reads like an email I got from a girl once but she wasn't talking about fruit).

On another note, I don't know where I have been for the last quarter century but somehow I missed the Rocky party and am now making up for lost time as I watch these magnificent films. I therefore found it very cool when I learned that the actress who plays Adrian is also the therapist for the Caveman in the GEICO commercials. I would say that seeing her all these years later made me feel old but that would be a lie for two reasons:

First it would be a lie because as I mentioned, I only recently was introduced to the Rocky clan (who I all now consider family). But more importantly such a statement would violate my recently instituted policy to stop considering myself old. Yes it is true that I make the same jokes that a senior citizen makes and that I can now recall things that happened over 20 years ago and that former campers of mine are now entering law school and that my baby bro is of legal drinking age. But the reality is 27 isn't ancient and we are going to have the rest of our lives to complain about being old.

Yet constantly people my age (myself included) talk about feeling so old. Well, I have had enough of this and have decided to take an oath not to play the old man card till I am 37. At that point a lifetime of bitching over aches, pains, and forgetfullness will be right there for the taking. Until then my friends let's eats some Cheezits and enjoy our youth. (P.S. somewhere my mom is reading this and crying in fear that she will never have grandchildren).


Blogger Diana said...

I got this crazy e-mail last month from the OK

ยท The OK would like to let the public know that the cheese used in the production of Keebler Cheese It's is aged cheese, and therefore, people should wait 6 hours before eating meat.

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Herr Kalir said...

I'll take the 37-Oath. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about my aches and pains and how old i'm getting. Although, my A&P's are actually legitimate (ask Zev), as opposed to you injuring your back from reaching down to pick cheezits up off the floor and other hard to reach crevices.

*And i have a message for the OK: Being that it is now summertime, I think a second investigation need be conducted into this matter. The smell of aged cheese is likely coming from your staff and not the ever so scrumptious cheezeits. Perhaps before we start waiting an addtional 6 Hours, you guys start taking an addtional 6 showers (as apposed to the once a week policy currently in place.)

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's funny how you associate Talia Shire as the person form a Geico commercial and not as part of the Coppola clan or at least as Jason Schwartzman's (Rushmore; I Heart Huckabees) mom. Then again, you only just caught up with the Rocky movies.

12:12 PM  
Blogger The Mink said...

I knew she was in The Godfather but I didn't recognize her in the GEICO commercials so I was excited when I found that out. Have you been in anything else besides anonymous?

11:31 AM  
Blogger The Critics said...

Is this website defunct, now that Zev and the Mink have moved on with their lives, finding professional positions and ruining things for everyone else??

9:13 AM  
Blogger AlanLaz said...

Where art thou?

3:05 PM  

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