Sunday, August 20, 2006

Question The Dump

by singerz

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you are sitting down. Not for any particular reason other than the fact that sitting is more comfortable than standing or lying on the floor. But also, what I am about to inform you may very well suck your socks off, tear your trousers off, blow your briefs off, or, in the most likely event, it may not be a big deal at all.

The Garbage Dump is now answering questions. We will give advice, respond to esoteric inquiries, and counsel lost souls. Got a relationship problem? We can mock it. Having career issues? Sucks for you, dude. Got a question about the bloggers? We’ll answer it, if it allows us a lead-in into writing about the topic that we wanted to write about anyway on that particular day on the blog. Feel free to email us with any questions or comments at And now for the first batch of REAL questions and answers asked by REAL people. Not written by me, tonight. REAL.

Q: Don’t you care that Mink’s name is on the website of the blog even though you’re an equal partner and use punctuation better than he does?
Zev: Na, I don’t mind. Meaning: I joined a day too late and got screwed. Thanks for pouring lemon juice on my wound.

Q: What makes you guys experts on anything?
Zev: Shut up I didn’t ask you for your questions or comments.
Q: Yes you did.
Zev: I said shut up. I don’t like these questions as much as I thought I would.

Q: Do you guys have blog-groupies?
Z: Yes, tons. And by yes, I mean no. But there are always positions open.

Q: In your Bloggers Convention Post why were the two of you in bed together?
Z: See, there was a misunderstanding…
Q: But your hand was around Mink.
Z: Errrrrr…see…
Q: Yes?
Z: Hey - remember the 80’s?

Q: Why do we park on a driveway but drive on a parkway?
Z: I dunno, but that’s some goofy shit.

Q: Since you’re the snack expert, what’s the most delicious snack besides, of course, Twizzler’s Nibs?
Z: Tough one. Cheese curls are scrumptious but that orange crap gets all over your hands. The deliciousness-to-mess ratio is like 6:1. Or no, I mean 1:6. Shit, I hate ratios. In addition, éclairs take the cake. No pun intended. I’m lying, I intended the hell out of the pun. But if you ever saw Van Wilder, you might never eat an éclair again.

Stay tuned for more Q+A, some new blog features in the next few weeks, and Mink getting tricked by a girl who claims she was turned on by watching him eat an egg and cheese on an everything bagel.


Anonymous Herr said...

What is argued at moose court?

9:31 AM  

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