Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Nausea Can Be Fun

by singerz

I know I know, we haven’t posted in two weeks. A lot has happened in two weeks time, you wouldn’t even believe it. For example, ummmm, I bought a pack of undershirts. Oh, and I tasted broccoli- FYI, it’s just as bad as I thought it would be.

In other news, I had a stomach infection thingy. No, not the usual- “6 slices of pizza and two liters of soda” virus, but something actually serious. I was nauseous for like two weeks straight. Was kinda fun. Lost some weight. It’s the new diet, called “starvation.” Works like a charm. Wow, actually, now that I think about it, being nauseous for two weeks straight sure wasn’t fun at all.

So after a while of this, I went to see the doctor- something I dread doing (see previous posts). The doctor rubbed my belly, made a honking noise while doing so, I giggled, and then he prescribed antibiotic pills for me to take. Two problems arose.

First, the pills were HUGE. We’re talking horse-pills, the size of New Jersey. I only recently, in the last few months, learned how to swallow pills. (Yes, for 25 years I would buy children’s chewables or mash up regular pills and eat them in ice-cream. Am I weird?) This is strange, since I have absolutely no problem whatsoever swallowing a whole hot dog without chewing it, but cant down a Tylenol. Getting those antibiotics down was a brutal battle of epic proportions.

Second problem. The Doctor informed me that if I was not feeling better after a few days of the antibiotics, I should, and I quote, “just pop on right by to the office and I will give you a stool-testing kit which you can take home and do yourself.”

Doc, I love you and all, but I ‘aint “popping on by” ANYWHERE to get a stool-testing kit. My mind went crazy. What could this kit contain? What must I do with it? Where would I put it? And most importantly, would I tell my roommates about this?

Needless to say, I prayed my little heart out to get better- I did in fact want to feel better, but mainly because I simply did not want to find out what this stool-testing kit business was all about. Thankfully, the monster-pills worked and the stool kit remains a mystery to this day.

In conclusion, some words of wisdom from a nausea expert. If you have a stomach virus and think you’re feeling better but just aren’t sure yet, DO NOT eat nasty powdered mac and cheese. Trust me.

17 Comments:

Blogger Levi said...

What has this world come to when one can't share such intimate medical treatments (read: home-stool-sample kit) with his roomate? i'm sure doug would have eagerly taken the time to assist in attaching the the device and rubbing your belly to cash-in on the inevitable ensuing jackpot, kinda like a slot machine.
and you know who'd be there to clean it all up....

1:55 PM  
Blogger BEKS said...

All that our little Zevie is saying is true. We spent a weekend together in AC, with some other fabulous folks, and I awoke to him dry heaving in the bathroom. GROSS....Zev, at least it isn't what you thought it was...GONORRHEA.

1:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank God I forgot about the heaving when i accidentally used his toothbrush the next day. How do I sanitize my mouth now?? Also, Zev, you have to let me know how i can get a stomach virus. I would love to lose a few LBs.

2:20 PM  
Blogger EDS said...

I'm just trying to figure out why you are able to swallow a whole hot dog without chewing. Sounds a little "iffy" to me if you get my drift...

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Deputy Commisioner said...

Do they make a stool testing kit for this post so they can determine who wrote this shit?

3:50 PM  
Blogger Levi said...

zingggggg

4:38 PM  
Anonymous Veteran stool tester said...

I've had to test my stool several times for severe, endless nausea and dry heaving, just like you!! Let's just say it involves using a big tupperware, and then taking some samples and mixing them into solutions. Very gross. What are those pills you have? Can I get some?

10:14 PM  
Anonymous stool tupperware said...

make sure not to leave the tupperware in the fridge, dougie will likely eat it...

11:15 AM  
Blogger whoami123 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:06 PM  
Blogger The Fades said...

i thought the title of this post was "Nassau can be fun", like the island in the bahamas...and i was thinking, that is obvious, of course it is fun. Luckily, I kept reading, and realized my mistake. The moral of the story: Don't judge a post by its title.

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Illiterate said...

Or how about this for a moral...

Learn hot to read in order to succeed?

8:00 AM  
Anonymous Cookie said...

HAHAHAHAHA... one day you will be old Zev, and have to deal with this shit like every day, and then I will laugh.... my bro is soooo weird!!!!!!

9:03 AM  
Anonymous Cookie said...

oh wait.. i forgot, you are old. you wear V-necks, short shorts and walk around with old man socks pulled up to your knees

9:07 AM  
Blogger The Fades said...

hot to read?

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Touché said...

fine....u learn HOW to read, i'll learn HOW to type....

12:54 PM  
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