Nausea Can Be Fun
by singerz
I know I know, we haven’t posted in two weeks. A lot has happened in two weeks time, you wouldn’t even believe it. For example, ummmm, I bought a pack of undershirts. Oh, and I tasted broccoli- FYI, it’s just as bad as I thought it would be.
In other news, I had a stomach infection thingy. No, not the usual- “6 slices of pizza and two liters of soda” virus, but something actually serious. I was nauseous for like two weeks straight. Was kinda fun. Lost some weight. It’s the new diet, called “starvation.” Works like a charm. Wow, actually, now that I think about it, being nauseous for two weeks straight sure wasn’t fun at all.
So after a while of this, I went to see the doctor- something I dread doing (see previous posts). The doctor rubbed my belly, made a honking noise while doing so, I giggled, and then he prescribed antibiotic pills for me to take. Two problems arose.
First, the pills were HUGE. We’re talking horse-pills, the size of New Jersey. I only recently, in the last few months, learned how to swallow pills. (Yes, for 25 years I would buy children’s chewables or mash up regular pills and eat them in ice-cream. Am I weird?) This is strange, since I have absolutely no problem whatsoever swallowing a whole hot dog without chewing it, but cant down a Tylenol. Getting those antibiotics down was a brutal battle of epic proportions.
Second problem. The Doctor informed me that if I was not feeling better after a few days of the antibiotics, I should, and I quote, “just pop on right by to the office and I will give you a stool-testing kit which you can take home and do yourself.”
Doc, I love you and all, but I ‘aint “popping on by” ANYWHERE to get a stool-testing kit. My mind went crazy. What could this kit contain? What must I do with it? Where would I put it? And most importantly, would I tell my roommates about this?
Needless to say, I prayed my little heart out to get better- I did in fact want to feel better, but mainly because I simply did not want to find out what this stool-testing kit business was all about. Thankfully, the monster-pills worked and the stool kit remains a mystery to this day.
In conclusion, some words of wisdom from a nausea expert. If you have a stomach virus and think you’re feeling better but just aren’t sure yet, DO NOT eat nasty powdered mac and cheese. Trust me.
I know I know, we haven’t posted in two weeks. A lot has happened in two weeks time, you wouldn’t even believe it. For example, ummmm, I bought a pack of undershirts. Oh, and I tasted broccoli- FYI, it’s just as bad as I thought it would be.
In other news, I had a stomach infection thingy. No, not the usual- “6 slices of pizza and two liters of soda” virus, but something actually serious. I was nauseous for like two weeks straight. Was kinda fun. Lost some weight. It’s the new diet, called “starvation.” Works like a charm. Wow, actually, now that I think about it, being nauseous for two weeks straight sure wasn’t fun at all.
So after a while of this, I went to see the doctor- something I dread doing (see previous posts). The doctor rubbed my belly, made a honking noise while doing so, I giggled, and then he prescribed antibiotic pills for me to take. Two problems arose.
First, the pills were HUGE. We’re talking horse-pills, the size of New Jersey. I only recently, in the last few months, learned how to swallow pills. (Yes, for 25 years I would buy children’s chewables or mash up regular pills and eat them in ice-cream. Am I weird?) This is strange, since I have absolutely no problem whatsoever swallowing a whole hot dog without chewing it, but cant down a Tylenol. Getting those antibiotics down was a brutal battle of epic proportions.
Second problem. The Doctor informed me that if I was not feeling better after a few days of the antibiotics, I should, and I quote, “just pop on right by to the office and I will give you a stool-testing kit which you can take home and do yourself.”
Doc, I love you and all, but I ‘aint “popping on by” ANYWHERE to get a stool-testing kit. My mind went crazy. What could this kit contain? What must I do with it? Where would I put it? And most importantly, would I tell my roommates about this?
Needless to say, I prayed my little heart out to get better- I did in fact want to feel better, but mainly because I simply did not want to find out what this stool-testing kit business was all about. Thankfully, the monster-pills worked and the stool kit remains a mystery to this day.
In conclusion, some words of wisdom from a nausea expert. If you have a stomach virus and think you’re feeling better but just aren’t sure yet, DO NOT eat nasty powdered mac and cheese. Trust me.
posted by SINGERZ at 1:39 PM
12 Comments:
Thank God I forgot about the heaving when i accidentally used his toothbrush the next day. How do I sanitize my mouth now?? Also, Zev, you have to let me know how i can get a stomach virus. I would love to lose a few LBs.
I'm just trying to figure out why you are able to swallow a whole hot dog without chewing. Sounds a little "iffy" to me if you get my drift...
Do they make a stool testing kit for this post so they can determine who wrote this shit?
I've had to test my stool several times for severe, endless nausea and dry heaving, just like you!! Let's just say it involves using a big tupperware, and then taking some samples and mixing them into solutions. Very gross. What are those pills you have? Can I get some?
make sure not to leave the tupperware in the fridge, dougie will likely eat it...
i thought the title of this post was "Nassau can be fun", like the island in the bahamas...and i was thinking, that is obvious, of course it is fun. Luckily, I kept reading, and realized my mistake. The moral of the story: Don't judge a post by its title.
Or how about this for a moral...
Learn hot to read in order to succeed?
HAHAHAHAHA... one day you will be old Zev, and have to deal with this shit like every day, and then I will laugh.... my bro is soooo weird!!!!!!
oh wait.. i forgot, you are old. you wear V-necks, short shorts and walk around with old man socks pulled up to your knees
hot to read?
fine....u learn HOW to read, i'll learn HOW to type....
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