Thursday, August 03, 2006

Slurpees with Strangers

By Mink

To some, 100 degree weather is equated with sweatiness in uncomfortable bodily parts, scantily clad women, or even death. For me, this kind of heat only means that I become obsessed with embarking on daily missions to find heat quenching icy treats (ok some of the scantily clad women are nice too). Whether its ice cream, sno-balls (or cones as they apparently say outside of Maryland), slurpees, or even just cold fountain sodas, I will not be denied.

So obviously 7-11 has a lot to offer me in the summer. As bad as I may be at ordering at Starbucks, I am a pro when I make purchases at these icy treat havens. I even have good slurpee filling fundamentals as I maximize every square inch of my cup without overflowing by implementing the “lid-first technique."

Anyway despite the icy treat obsession I still generally get coffee in the morning and I would have this past Tuesday morning until me and this friendly lady began conversing near the coffee stand at a downtown Baltimore 7-11. Like 90 percent of conversations we have with strangers, the short exchange was entirely related to the weather pattern. (A couple of snippets included: "Hot enough for you?" and "Cold front tommorow, its only supposed to hit 97.") By the end though she had talked me out of the scorching coffee and right into a 9am icy treat: a 40 oz Dr. Pepper Big Gulp.

For some reason I left the store sipping away at my cold beverage with a very satisfied smirk on my face. But little did I know that there was someone watching. No, I am not turning this into a religious posting about a higher being looking down, I am merely referring to a certain 5’5 green eyed girl who has used the world wide web to successfully get in touch with my distrurbing self.

Allow me to elaborate:

At about 2 pm the day after my innocent 7-11 run, my co-worker who apparently was perusing Craigslist's "missed connections" listings asks “Jon, weren’t you at 7-11 yesterday?” She then sent me this link which reads:

Tall guy w/ Big Gulp at 7-11 on Tuesday morning - w4m - 24

Saw you coming out of the 7-11 downtown (corner of Howard and Baltimore) Tuesday morning. You were wearing a navy short-sleeved polo with a horizontal orange stripe and khakis. I’ve seen you around the area before (near/in the law school); maybe you’re a grad student like me. I’m 5’5 with dirty-blond hair and green eyes. Would love to get to know you better!

Now I normally don’t remember what I was wearing from day to day, but I had remembered stepping on that horizontal orange striped shirt in the morning as I got out of bed (which meant I must have worn it the previous day). And based on the above story involving the lady by the coffee stand, I certainly remembered purchasing a Big Gulp (I also hadn’t thrown out the remaining bottom third of the soda, and it is staring me in the face at my desk as I read this absurdity).

So to make a long story end faster, that tall guy was none other than myself and even though I have no idea what the math equation of w4m – 24 means, I have agreed to meet this ballsy chic for slurpees during lunch break tommorow (Friday).

I am obviously assuming the meeting (and I emphasize that word since it is not a date) will be an absolute disaster. But it will be just a quick snack break and at worse will just be sharing an icy treat with a crazy person. The bottom line is weird crap like this doesn’t happen every day so I figured the story deserved some more follow up and I guess the girl also deserved her 15 minutes with Mink (hahahha what a prize that is).

FYI: Here is the transcript of emails from my made up account that led us to the slurpees (I created a address to protect my identity).

My Response:

I came across your posting after a co-worker stumbled upon it on her daily craigslist perusing. I am pretty sure you were speaking of me. Are you an UMAB student? Do you like slurpees?

I gotta be honest, this situation is a little new/bizarre to me but I would be open to the following: Friday afternoon we meet up "again" at our favorite local hub and pick up a couple slurpees, which we will consume at the law school courtyard. If this is agreeable to you drop me an email.

Her response (also from a made up hotmail account):

Hey Big Gulp!
Clever email. Do you like mine? Hee hee! I'm totally psyched that you wrote back! I love slurpees by the way. I have like 5 a week! :) But don't worry, I'm not a heffer or anything! LOL! Anyway, yeah, let's get together on Friday! Can't wait to meet you!

I'm outtie for now!!!

Anyway, at least she isn’t a “heffer.” I will let you know how the slurpee gathering goes, unless she slits my throat.


Blogger AlanLaz said...

Let me know what happens, Mink.

2:44 AM  
Blogger AlanLaz said...

Oh, and please don't pick this Sunday as the first time DC Dental decides to beat ESB.

2:44 AM  
Blogger Levi said...

eagerly waiting to hear what happens... i i wonder if she's the serial slurpee slut that's been stalking the summertime snackers?

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Kaliri said...

best post yet!

Have fun being anally raped by zed (AKA Slurpee girl), who actually lives in the 7-11 parking lot (no relation to zev BTW.)

Keep us POSTed!

1:25 PM  
Blogger Chaya said...


9:52 PM  

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