Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Dump Hosts Another Guest (Yes, We're Getting Lazy): A Businesslike Approach

by Nathan

After recently switching jobs, which is an annual event for me, I realized that there are a number of things we can learn from the business world. I’d like to discuss a few that specifically pertain to relationships.

Finding a Candidate
As is the case when looking for a job there are three major ways to find a date.

Online Search – The absolute worst way to get a date, unless you’re using Craigslist’s Casual Encounters (as Mink unsuccessfully did last week). Just like your resume, the info available online is all made up...unless you actually believe that a single 28 yr old could still be single when they look like the “Jewish Jennifer Aniston”. And what does that mean anyway, should I imagine Jennifer Aniston with a huge nose and as a possible Tay-Sachs carrier?

Shadchan (matchmaker) – Or as I like to call them, Hook-up Headhunters. Using one of these ensures your background will be checked by a myriad of possible suitors with “great personality”.

Connections – Nobody can talk you up like a friend, it’s always the best way to get your foot in any door, or in someone’s pants, as the case may be.

Getting to know your prospect
There should always be an interview process, whether it takes place at a coffee shop, bar or bedroom is your decision. Key questions to ask:

How much experience do you have?
Is there a chance of a counter offer?
Do you want to climb my corporate ladder?
Word association – handcuffs, blindfolds, farm animals, etc...
For same sex candidates or foreigners – Are you just looking for health benefits?

In-relationship Interaction
Weekly status meetings and timelines are important documents that can keep the relationship on track. For example, isn’t it easier to manage expectations by having lines like “8/10 – 2nd Base (over the shirt)” or “8/22 possible score, buy flowers and make appletinis”. This way everyone is on the same page.

There are also some other corporate ways to improve relationships.

Evaluations – Every 6 months or so let your partner know how their doing, try to pinpoint flaws while giving positive feedback on what their doing right. God knows we wouldn’t want anything to stop all together. Try and use motivational techniques for better performance like “I’ll try not to watch TV this time” or “if you’re lucky I’ll brush my teeth this week”.

Two Weeks Notice – Nobody likes to be blindsided with a breakup. Give your partner time to try and replace you with someone else while at the same time not depriving him/her of the essential services you provide. Feel free to help train the replacement.

I’m sure there are plenty of examples involving copiers and staplers that I haven’t mentioned, but I’m sure I’ve convinced you that a businesslike approach will help you succeed in any relationship.

56 Comments:

Anonymous Herr... said...

Are you on drugs?

3:19 PM  
Anonymous swirly jeff said...

did you copy and paste this post off an email forward from your daily joke mail group ? what's next, a parody about relationships using computer slang? let's stick with what we know- mink and singerz talking about stupid things please

10:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

swirly jeff's alternative relationship advice: just stick your c--- in it

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Swirly Jeff's Ass said...

Hey! that's my line! ("just stick your c--- in it")

3:19 PM  
Anonymous swirly jeff's ass then said said...

just be careful you don't get stains on shani's sweatpants

11:03 AM  
Anonymous shani's sweatpants said said...

"just stick your...."

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Talent agent said...

what do you call this perverted Jeff Family Act?

We call it, The Aristocrats!

11:51 AM  
Anonymous jonathan said...

shani's vagini, ttttttake it easy with little swirly's ass

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

generic viagra viagra' for women to hit the shelves soon - who has bought viagra online

1:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription buy viagra online cheap no prescription - viagra online safety

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

soma buy soma zero offset - will soma show on a drug test

11:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

soma carisoprodol soma drug book - cheap eats soma san francisco

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy soma soma bras cheap - generic soma

5:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy soma buy soma cube usa - soma the pill

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy soma soma special order services - soma medication classification

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma legal - soma discount coupon codes

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online best site buy tramadol - buy tramadol london

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cod next day delivery tramadol for dogs effects - order tramadol online with mastercard

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

where to buy tramadol online tramadol hcl gluten - tramadol dosage horses

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cheap tramadol no prescription tramadol hcl blood thinner - tramadol 50 mg 100 caps

6:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cialis 100 - cialis generic us

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

generic xanax is . 5mg of xanax a high dose - xanax drug test urine

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xanax for sale without prescription buy xanax online legally - alprazolam 0.5 mg tab

11:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xanax online what is xanax xr 2mg - what are the different kinds of xanax pills

11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol online american express - tramadol 50mg usa

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xanax sale xanax class of drug - usual prescribed dosage xanax

9:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

order tramadol what is stronger tramadol or ultram - tramadol 50mg pain killer

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

xanax online 1mg xanax first time - xanax 2088

8:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy tramadol with cod tramadol for dogs - crush - buy tramadol american express

5:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to buy cialis online buy cialis online australia - buy generic cialis online

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol user reviews - carisoprodol 350 mg overdose

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cialis for sale buy cheap cialis from us - order viagra cialis online

5:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cialis online cialis online argentina - average retail price cialis

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cialis daily for bph - generic cialis user reviews

5:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy generic cialis no prescription ordering cialis online usa - can you buy cialis over the counter in mexico

5:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy cialis usa buy cheap genuine cialis - cialis rebate coupon

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy cialis online safely cialis 2.5 price - buy cialis online reviews

7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#63987 tramadol get you high - buy tramadol ultram ultracet online

10:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#74967 can order tramadol online - tramadol 50mg much

7:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

learn how to buy tramdadol tramadol hcl 50mg dosage for dogs - tramadol for dogs usa

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

20000 :) generic celebrex - celecoxib price http://www.celebrexpharmsite.net/, [url=http://www.celebrexpharmsite.net/]celebrex for sale [/url]

6:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

aaa!!! Topamax Online - buy topiramate online no prescription http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-no-prescription, [url=http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-no-prescription]Topamax Online[/url]

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cheap klonopin side effects for klonopin - klonopin 40 mg

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#44827 tramadol for dogs interactions - buy tramadol online usa cheap

12:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online what does 2mg klonopin look like - 2mg klonopin withdrawal

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

03 zyban sale - zyban without prescription http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/#wellbutrin-online, [url=http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/#zyban-sale]wellbutrin online[/url]

5:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol 50mg how many to get high - tramadol 37.5/325 high

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online tramadol dosage ocd - tramadol 100mg

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

4, lasix no prescription - buy lasix furosemide http://www.lasixordernow.net/#lasix-online, [url=http://www.lasixordernow.net/#cheap-furosemide]lasix cost[/url]

7:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#44827 tramadol with valium high - can you buy tramadol online legally

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#23561 tramadol buy 100 mg - tramadol hcl 100mg er

1:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://buytramadolonlinecool.com/#73892 legal order tramadol online - what is tramadol 100mg used for

6:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol 350 mg directions - carisoprodol tramadol abuse

8:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://southcarolinaaccidentattorney.com/#93385 can you buy carisoprodol online - carisoprodol headache

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol 700 mg - carisoprodol blue light

3:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://southcarolinaaccidentattorney.com/#61879 carisoprodol side effects withdrawal - carisoprodol no prescription

6:13 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home