The Dump Hosts Another Guest (Yes, We're Getting Lazy): A Businesslike Approach
by Nathan
After recently switching jobs, which is an annual event for me, I realized that there are a number of things we can learn from the business world. I’d like to discuss a few that specifically pertain to relationships.
Finding a Candidate
As is the case when looking for a job there are three major ways to find a date.
Online Search – The absolute worst way to get a date, unless you’re using Craigslist’s Casual Encounters (as Mink unsuccessfully did last week). Just like your resume, the info available online is all made up...unless you actually believe that a single 28 yr old could still be single when they look like the “Jewish Jennifer Aniston”. And what does that mean anyway, should I imagine Jennifer Aniston with a huge nose and as a possible Tay-Sachs carrier?
Shadchan (matchmaker) – Or as I like to call them, Hook-up Headhunters. Using one of these ensures your background will be checked by a myriad of possible suitors with “great personality”.
Connections – Nobody can talk you up like a friend, it’s always the best way to get your foot in any door, or in someone’s pants, as the case may be.
Getting to know your prospect
There should always be an interview process, whether it takes place at a coffee shop, bar or bedroom is your decision. Key questions to ask:
How much experience do you have?
Is there a chance of a counter offer?
Do you want to climb my corporate ladder?
Word association – handcuffs, blindfolds, farm animals, etc...
For same sex candidates or foreigners – Are you just looking for health benefits?
In-relationship Interaction
Weekly status meetings and timelines are important documents that can keep the relationship on track. For example, isn’t it easier to manage expectations by having lines like “8/10 – 2nd Base (over the shirt)” or “8/22 possible score, buy flowers and make appletinis”. This way everyone is on the same page.
There are also some other corporate ways to improve relationships.
Evaluations – Every 6 months or so let your partner know how their doing, try to pinpoint flaws while giving positive feedback on what their doing right. God knows we wouldn’t want anything to stop all together. Try and use motivational techniques for better performance like “I’ll try not to watch TV this time” or “if you’re lucky I’ll brush my teeth this week”.
Two Weeks Notice – Nobody likes to be blindsided with a breakup. Give your partner time to try and replace you with someone else while at the same time not depriving him/her of the essential services you provide. Feel free to help train the replacement.
I’m sure there are plenty of examples involving copiers and staplers that I haven’t mentioned, but I’m sure I’ve convinced you that a businesslike approach will help you succeed in any relationship.
After recently switching jobs, which is an annual event for me, I realized that there are a number of things we can learn from the business world. I’d like to discuss a few that specifically pertain to relationships.
Finding a Candidate
As is the case when looking for a job there are three major ways to find a date.
Online Search – The absolute worst way to get a date, unless you’re using Craigslist’s Casual Encounters (as Mink unsuccessfully did last week). Just like your resume, the info available online is all made up...unless you actually believe that a single 28 yr old could still be single when they look like the “Jewish Jennifer Aniston”. And what does that mean anyway, should I imagine Jennifer Aniston with a huge nose and as a possible Tay-Sachs carrier?
Shadchan (matchmaker) – Or as I like to call them, Hook-up Headhunters. Using one of these ensures your background will be checked by a myriad of possible suitors with “great personality”.
Connections – Nobody can talk you up like a friend, it’s always the best way to get your foot in any door, or in someone’s pants, as the case may be.
Getting to know your prospect
There should always be an interview process, whether it takes place at a coffee shop, bar or bedroom is your decision. Key questions to ask:
How much experience do you have?
Is there a chance of a counter offer?
Do you want to climb my corporate ladder?
Word association – handcuffs, blindfolds, farm animals, etc...
For same sex candidates or foreigners – Are you just looking for health benefits?
In-relationship Interaction
Weekly status meetings and timelines are important documents that can keep the relationship on track. For example, isn’t it easier to manage expectations by having lines like “8/10 – 2nd Base (over the shirt)” or “8/22 possible score, buy flowers and make appletinis”. This way everyone is on the same page.
There are also some other corporate ways to improve relationships.
Evaluations – Every 6 months or so let your partner know how their doing, try to pinpoint flaws while giving positive feedback on what their doing right. God knows we wouldn’t want anything to stop all together. Try and use motivational techniques for better performance like “I’ll try not to watch TV this time” or “if you’re lucky I’ll brush my teeth this week”.
Two Weeks Notice – Nobody likes to be blindsided with a breakup. Give your partner time to try and replace you with someone else while at the same time not depriving him/her of the essential services you provide. Feel free to help train the replacement.
I’m sure there are plenty of examples involving copiers and staplers that I haven’t mentioned, but I’m sure I’ve convinced you that a businesslike approach will help you succeed in any relationship.
38 Comments:
Are you on drugs?
did you copy and paste this post off an email forward from your daily joke mail group ? what's next, a parody about relationships using computer slang? let's stick with what we know- mink and singerz talking about stupid things please
swirly jeff's alternative relationship advice: just stick your c--- in it
Hey! that's my line! ("just stick your c--- in it")
just be careful you don't get stains on shani's sweatpants
"just stick your...."
what do you call this perverted Jeff Family Act?
We call it, The Aristocrats!
shani's vagini, ttttttake it easy with little swirly's ass
generic viagra viagra' for women to hit the shelves soon - who has bought viagra online
buy soma soma bras cheap - generic soma
buy soma soma special order services - soma medication classification
buy tramadol online best site buy tramadol - buy tramadol london
buy tramadol cod next day delivery tramadol for dogs effects - order tramadol online with mastercard
where to buy tramadol online tramadol hcl gluten - tramadol dosage horses
cheap tramadol no prescription tramadol hcl blood thinner - tramadol 50 mg 100 caps
generic xanax is . 5mg of xanax a high dose - xanax drug test urine
xanax online what is xanax xr 2mg - what are the different kinds of xanax pills
xanax sale xanax class of drug - usual prescribed dosage xanax
order tramadol what is stronger tramadol or ultram - tramadol 50mg pain killer
carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol user reviews - carisoprodol 350 mg overdose
cialis online cialis online argentina - average retail price cialis
buy generic cialis no prescription ordering cialis online usa - can you buy cialis over the counter in mexico
buy cialis usa buy cheap genuine cialis - cialis rebate coupon
buy cialis online safely cialis 2.5 price - buy cialis online reviews
http://landvoicelearning.com/#63987 tramadol get you high - buy tramadol ultram ultracet online
http://landvoicelearning.com/#74967 can order tramadol online - tramadol 50mg much
aaa!!! Topamax Online - buy topiramate online no prescription http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-no-prescription, [url=http://www.cheaptopamaxorder.net/#topamax-no-prescription]Topamax Online[/url]
cheap klonopin side effects for klonopin - klonopin 40 mg
http://landvoicelearning.com/#44827 tramadol for dogs interactions - buy tramadol online usa cheap
buy klonopin online what does 2mg klonopin look like - 2mg klonopin withdrawal
03 zyban sale - zyban without prescription http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/#wellbutrin-online, [url=http://www.wellbutrinforsaleonline.net/#zyban-sale]wellbutrin online[/url]
buy tramadol tramadol 50mg how many to get high - tramadol 37.5/325 high
buy tramadol online tramadol dosage ocd - tramadol 100mg
4, lasix no prescription - buy lasix furosemide http://www.lasixordernow.net/#lasix-online, [url=http://www.lasixordernow.net/#cheap-furosemide]lasix cost[/url]
http://landvoicelearning.com/#44827 tramadol with valium high - can you buy tramadol online legally
http://landvoicelearning.com/#23561 tramadol buy 100 mg - tramadol hcl 100mg er
http://buytramadolonlinecool.com/#73892 legal order tramadol online - what is tramadol 100mg used for
http://southcarolinaaccidentattorney.com/#93385 can you buy carisoprodol online - carisoprodol headache
Post a Comment
<< Home