Summer in the City
by singerz
Summer is here. The birds are out. They’re shitting all over town. Ahhh, the sun is shining. The humidity rises to unprecedented levels - not only am I sweating through my shirt, but I’m sweating through the shirt of the guy sitting next to me on the subway. He gets annoyed. Yum, the urine smell in the subways returns and becomes more pungent. Wait, maybe that smell is just mold or something…Nope, no, that’s urine all right. Yup, urine. Delish.
I stroll through the streets. A car honks and almost hits me. So I then move to the sidewalk. I try not to step on the cracks because my mother would NOT like osteoporosis. (JOKE NOTE: That was a “Step on the crack, break your mother’s back” reference). And then something strikes me. No, not bird poop, but a thought: Where do all the hot women go in the winter?
All winter long, there seems to be a lack of hot women on the streets. When summer returns, I feel like a suicide bomber after a successful jihad. No, not dead and in pieces you fool, but in heaven with 70 virgins. But then winter- bam, the women disappear. Where do they go? Do they hibernate? I think they do.
This winter, I am determined to find the lair of the hibernating hot women. And when I do, here’s what I will find: A cavern filled to capacity with hot women sleeping, like bears. But hotter than bears. And with less fur. Hopefully. Except this one furry girl I once knew named Wendy who looked like a bear from Wyoming. Not unattractive, just different. Don't be mean, Wendy has a good sense of humor.
I have finally realized what the answer to this existential question is. Turns out, the hot women do NOT hibernate in the winter. They’re here among us humans. But in the summer, women simply wear less clothing and so it’s an iluuuuusion that there are hotter women in the summer. Same women, less clothing. Chew on that. Actually don’t, you’ll choke. This just goes to show you the only thing on guys minds- hibernation.
Summer is here. The birds are out. They’re shitting all over town. Ahhh, the sun is shining. The humidity rises to unprecedented levels - not only am I sweating through my shirt, but I’m sweating through the shirt of the guy sitting next to me on the subway. He gets annoyed. Yum, the urine smell in the subways returns and becomes more pungent. Wait, maybe that smell is just mold or something…Nope, no, that’s urine all right. Yup, urine. Delish.
I stroll through the streets. A car honks and almost hits me. So I then move to the sidewalk. I try not to step on the cracks because my mother would NOT like osteoporosis. (JOKE NOTE: That was a “Step on the crack, break your mother’s back” reference). And then something strikes me. No, not bird poop, but a thought: Where do all the hot women go in the winter?
All winter long, there seems to be a lack of hot women on the streets. When summer returns, I feel like a suicide bomber after a successful jihad. No, not dead and in pieces you fool, but in heaven with 70 virgins. But then winter- bam, the women disappear. Where do they go? Do they hibernate? I think they do.
This winter, I am determined to find the lair of the hibernating hot women. And when I do, here’s what I will find: A cavern filled to capacity with hot women sleeping, like bears. But hotter than bears. And with less fur. Hopefully. Except this one furry girl I once knew named Wendy who looked like a bear from Wyoming. Not unattractive, just different. Don't be mean, Wendy has a good sense of humor.
I have finally realized what the answer to this existential question is. Turns out, the hot women do NOT hibernate in the winter. They’re here among us humans. But in the summer, women simply wear less clothing and so it’s an iluuuuusion that there are hotter women in the summer. Same women, less clothing. Chew on that. Actually don’t, you’ll choke. This just goes to show you the only thing on guys minds- hibernation.
posted by SINGERZ at 11:41 PM
11 Comments:
oh no! you've triggered my anxiety, singerz. it's the middle of winter here, so i'm dressing in warm coats and scarves and boots - does that mean i've been rendered invisible?
I doubt they're virgins...
just so you know- the birds shit all over town in the winter too. day or night, rain or shine- they are there, waiting, watching, brooing, perculating...
Mink can't get women in any time year.
Anonymous,
But I thought you told me you really liked the way I looked in a speedo? Or was that singerz who said that last night? I sure hope it was the latter because I am pretty sure our torrid love affair is over, anonymous. Too much pain and anguish for me....I've got nothing left.
Was that intended to be funny?
nope
Are you using my jokes? Just the other day I was telling Uri Allen that Berkeley in the summer was like "I had blown myself up on a crowded bus and gone to heaven!".
Fucking copycat
Minkove, zev is so much funnier than you are, do you get jealous? I wonder if you pay him to be less funny, just so that he doesnt outshine you on this blog. Fa!
Lets talk about the men in the city! You want women with less clothes in the summer..and I want the guys to put on their shirts, so I don't have to see waht they haven't been doing all winter.
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