Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Burned

by singerz

Back to the grind. July 4th weekend came and went. We are all just a little bit more tan. Some of us are a little bit more hungover. Others, maybe, are a little bit more in the emergency room nursing firecracker wounds to 4 of our fingers on our strong hand because our asshole friend doesn’t know how to use a goddamn firecracker. You know.

I did happen to have a chance to make it briefly to the beach this weekend and I want to share some sunburn thoughts. Now, I burn very easily. Not as easily as Mink the friendly albino, (no offense to friendly albinos), but I burn. And every single time I am out in the sun, I make sure to use a ton of lotion – it goes as fast as hotcakes. And if there is a boardwalk nearby, I love hotcakes and so I eat them- and they go like suntan lotion. You get the idea. And if you don’t, stop reading and go back to work before your boss fires you for reading goofy shit at work.

Inevitably, I will miss a spot with the lotion. But is it a normal spot to miss? No, of course not. Is it my arm that I miss a spot on? OF COURSE NOT. It’s a weird part of my neck, or some crazy part of my face, or my forehead. Well this year, boys and girls, it was my chin. I FORGOT TO PUT LOTION ON MY FREAKING CHIN. (I’m sorry for the caps, I was trying to hit the ‘Shift’ button and hit ‘Caps Lock’ and it just so happened to work out well with what I was trying to write. Who doesn’t like a little more keyboard humor these days?)

So yes, I forgot lotion on my chin, and so my face is completely normal with a burned chin. I look like I have some sort of rash and have been scratching it nonstop for three days. HA HA. You should see the looks I am getting on the streets. “Mommy, why does that man look like he is wearing a red chin-guard on his face?”

Or how about:
“See Jimmy, that’s why mommy always tells you to make sure you put lotion everywhere.”
Zev: “Uh, lady, I can hear you, I’m right here.”
“See Jimmy, that’s why mommy always tells you to whisper when you are talking about crazy people outside.”
Zev: “LADY, I CAN STILL HEAR YOU.”
“See Jimmy….” Ad nauseum. (Joke note: I decided to stop after two, but trust me, I could have gone all day… ALL DAY I tell you…

Next time: Zev forgets lotion on that little indented place under his nose.

3 Comments:

Anonymous albino representative said...

After getting wind of Mink's desire to join our club, we'll now all be heading to the tanning salon. One person cant usually drag down an entire group. In this case he can.

12:17 PM  
Anonymous Cuz said...

Zev we all know why you missed a spot on your face and not on your arm. You want attention. Well man, if that's how you get the ladies to look at you...just do your thing. Just don't expect to get attention from me. No posts, no comments, nothing.

11:39 PM  
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9:54 AM  

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