Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Sweet Home Alabama

By Mink

As some of you know, my top secret job informed me that I was required to accompany 4 others from work to Anniston, Alabama for a five day training seminar. I have gotten kind of tired of responding to all the questions about the trip so I decided to answer the FAQ's here.

Q: Where the hell is Anniston, Alabama?

A: 80 miles west of Atlanta and 60 miles east of Birmingham. It's not every day that you have to fly into a different state to get to your destination. I also was alarmed when at some point during the ride from Georgia my cell phone clock jumped back an hour as we entered the ridiculous central time zone. (when did bama join the central? was that part of baseball's realignment?.....weird)

Q: Who was the town named after?

A: Legend has it that back in the late 90's there was a young mayor here who in a weak moment during an adolescent crush decided to rename the town after the Friends' phenom. Shortly thereafter he was impeached from office after illegally photographing the city's gorgeous mountain chain (see

Q: Are you the lone Jew of the town this week?

A: No only because one of my lady co-workers is a member of the tribe as well. But that hasn't changed the fact that I have spent most of the week nervously laughing at holocaust jokes. I also think I was peer pressured into joining the KKK (there isn't much I wouldn't do for some good grits!)

Q: Are you at least staying at a nice hotel?

A: I am actually staying at a former military base. I share a bathroom, have a curfew and must eat my meals in the cafeteria. Besides the 3 girls who are with us, there are only maybe 2 others on the whole base. So basically its just a major sausage fest.

Q: How is the nightlife?

A: There is a lounge that is opened till 10 with $2 beers and free popcorn. So that has been a blast even if it means telling corny jokes to a bunch of male middle aged-married emergency-planners as they hit on your friends.

Q: What kind of bullshit training is this? Cmon do you really think we believe you are working?

A: This is actually a tough question. You see we are getting some kind of adult instructor certification from the government but it sounds like they (uncle sam) aren't even sure what that means and we have had daily arguments to try to figure that out. All I know is that the first day I had a rude awakening when I learned that the group photo was happening at 6:45 AM, that we would have daily homework, and be required to give 3 presentations. But the unlimited Dr. Peppers and snacks has certainly kept me from complaining.

Q: Are the other trainees cool?

A: They are enjoyable. I particularly enjoy this one dude from Northern Florida whose most memorable line was upon returning to class from a bathroom break with water all over the bottom of his tanktop proclaimed in a thick southern accent "Just to be clear, I didn't pee myself."

Q: When do you return?

A: The deep south is actually growing on me and I may never return back north......I like the new language and culture and besides I hear the bar exam is much easier down here.


Blogger The Critics said...

Yea, I think I peed myself.

Surprisingly, you guys have kept this blog going far longer than anyone expected. I already had to shell out $10 to an anonymous bettor. This blog has been going on longer than anyone cares to read it, yet you persevere. Good job boys.

6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hilarious. especially "So that has been a blast even if it means telling corny jokes to a bunch of male middle aged-married emergency-planners as they hit on your friends." you should bring up this point at the next staff meeting :)

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Your Cousin Vinny said...

I have a few questions:

1- Were they homemade grits?
2- Did you see the two Yutes?
3- Was the Karate Kid there?

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Your Cousin Pinny said...

I have some frum related questions:

1. U daven with a minyan 4 times a day?
2. Have you ba'all Kerri'd all over your sheets at night?
3. Have you participated in tashmish shel mita?
4. Since its gotten lonely (very few medlach), have you participated in bia shelo k'darcha with a toeva?
5.hows your bris milla adgusted to all of this?
6.Were there two eidim when you "took" Elsie the base cow?

Hope all is well,


10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow Minkove. When I told you to rot in hell, I had no idea how quickly your descent would be. Nor did I think it would involve joining the KKK, eating grits, or attending a sausage fest where people urinate on themselves and deny it. As a testament to my virtue and compassion, I should add that it's even more hellish than the hell I wished upon you...

12:43 PM  

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