Thursday, January 04, 2007

I am a CHILD

by singerz

It is not rare that I will hear the statement, “Zev, you are such a child.” Usually, I take this as a compliment. I’m youthful. I’m energetic. I have soft skin like a baby’s ass. But I have recently started to realize that sometimes, (gasp), most of the time; this is NOT meant as a compliment. It is a dig at my maturity.

Well Mr. I’m-So-Serious-I-Don’t-Laugh-At-Poop-Jokes-And-I-Carry-An-Attache-Case-Even-When-I-Go-To-The-Beach, you have to relax. (Don’t you LOVE saying the word “attache-case”? I do. I really do.) As Frank (who won 4 Jeopardy episodes in a row), answered to a Jeopardy clue about the Bible, there is a time to laugh, a time to cry, blah blah blah. And then Alex didn’t give him credit because he didn’t ask it in question form. Alex is a dick. He doesn’t know as much as he pretends and those fake accents make me want to vomit in his mustache. Actually, I once did…na I’ll leave that crazy-ass story for another time.

And so, here are just a few examples that should prove to you that I am still a child:

-Someone recently said to me: “Awwww, you look SO grown up in that suit!“

-I always like the kids table better. French fries, fish sticks, apple juice and no adults.

-I hate dry wine.

-Whenever anyone offers to set me up on a blind date, I make the joke: “If she’s blind, how will she know where to meet me?”

-As my roommate once explained, I regularly eat as if my parents are away for the weekend. Sugar cereal, soda, devil dogs, licorice…But at least I eat salad: pickles.

-When my friend who I share this blog with comes to visit as he did this past new years weekend, we are more excited to lay in bed next to each other having ‘pillow talk’ then we are to go out and meet girls (actually, that’s more gay than it is childish, but let me have that one, will ya?)


Blogger The Mink said...

I had a really good time staying at your place :) Please don't be awkward and think you have to wait 3 days to call. In particular I wanted to thank you for the breakfast in bed and the full body massage with my leftover spf 90 from my trip to Cali.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Critical said...

Here's another reason - when you're at a kiddush and people tell you to close your mouth when you're eating so you'll stop spitting out chunks of egg salad on their nice shul outfits, you call them "critical".

1:42 PM  
Anonymous childish said...

My grandmother once told me, after she had not seen me for two yeare "you got so big".

Then I thought it was a I am thinking she really meant it.

3:06 PM  

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