Urine Trouble (that’s a pun)
by singerz
Just recently, I was visiting home in MD and I got a ride back up to NY from a friend of mine and his pregnant wife. (Sorry Mink, I don’t remember if they say “we” are pregnant or not, but I honestly think its weird that you care. There, I’ve said it, OK? It just doesn’t bother me, and I’m not embarrassed to say it. The guy is a part of it- haven’t you ever had the birds and bees talk? Geez, do I have to teach you EVERYTHING?).
So my friends and I are on the road. Anyone else know how boring the scenery is between MD and NY? The most exciting thing that happens is the fact that sometimes the pollution in Jersey smells like farts and I like giving other people in the car accusing stares when the smell begins. Trust me, if you’ve never tried it, its fun.
As Mrs. Friend is pregnant, we stop about 45 minutes into the ride for a pee-rest stop. No problem, she’s pregnant, she has to pee a lot. I took Biology, I know this. My friend and I pee as well (remember this fact please), and I proceed to purchase a 3 dollar diet-cherry-pepsi. Expensive, but worth it. Oh so worth it. Such a damn well made product.
As a side note, there was a man at the rest stop who did NOT follow urinal etiquette, and I was very unhappy. Its one thing when David Goldstein pees in the urinal right next to me in synagogue even though there is an open urinal two spots away. But when truck-driver Frank sidles next to me- reeking of oil, cigarettes, Redbull, and 57 hours straight on the road, I am not a happy camper.
After the rest stop, we hit the road again. Then, my friend’s wife asked us why we are hitting the road and not just getting in the car to continue our trip. So we did. About 35 minutes later, after having drunk the 20oz of heaven, the following conversation ensues:
Zev: So…do you have to pee again? I don’t mind.
Pregnant Friend: No thanks, I’m fine.
Zev: You sure?
Preggers: Ya, I’m sure, thanks anyway.
Zev: You SURE?
Pregster: Um, yes, thanks.
Zev: We should REALLY stop for you to pee.
Husband: Zev, you sure YOU don’t have to pee?
Zev (crossing legs, shifting oddly, and wincing): Oh yes, I’m quite sure. Fine. FINE.
Needless to say we stopped for ME, the non-pregnant man, to pee. I don’t generally have a small bladder, but on that fateful evening, something was amiss. At least the couple was nice about it and didn’t make me pee in my trousers. Good people, those Landmans.
I will leave you with this - is there a such thing as street peeing etiquette? Or, since a street-peer is partaking in an intrinsically disgusting activity, maybe all etiquette is thrown to the wind? (And hopefully the pee isn’t thrown into the wind cause then the guy who drives the red Honda Civic is gonna be so pissed tomorrow morning).
Just recently, I was visiting home in MD and I got a ride back up to NY from a friend of mine and his pregnant wife. (Sorry Mink, I don’t remember if they say “we” are pregnant or not, but I honestly think its weird that you care. There, I’ve said it, OK? It just doesn’t bother me, and I’m not embarrassed to say it. The guy is a part of it- haven’t you ever had the birds and bees talk? Geez, do I have to teach you EVERYTHING?).
So my friends and I are on the road. Anyone else know how boring the scenery is between MD and NY? The most exciting thing that happens is the fact that sometimes the pollution in Jersey smells like farts and I like giving other people in the car accusing stares when the smell begins. Trust me, if you’ve never tried it, its fun.
As Mrs. Friend is pregnant, we stop about 45 minutes into the ride for a pee-rest stop. No problem, she’s pregnant, she has to pee a lot. I took Biology, I know this. My friend and I pee as well (remember this fact please), and I proceed to purchase a 3 dollar diet-cherry-pepsi. Expensive, but worth it. Oh so worth it. Such a damn well made product.
As a side note, there was a man at the rest stop who did NOT follow urinal etiquette, and I was very unhappy. Its one thing when David Goldstein pees in the urinal right next to me in synagogue even though there is an open urinal two spots away. But when truck-driver Frank sidles next to me- reeking of oil, cigarettes, Redbull, and 57 hours straight on the road, I am not a happy camper.
After the rest stop, we hit the road again. Then, my friend’s wife asked us why we are hitting the road and not just getting in the car to continue our trip. So we did. About 35 minutes later, after having drunk the 20oz of heaven, the following conversation ensues:
Zev: So…do you have to pee again? I don’t mind.
Pregnant Friend: No thanks, I’m fine.
Zev: You sure?
Preggers: Ya, I’m sure, thanks anyway.
Zev: You SURE?
Pregster: Um, yes, thanks.
Zev: We should REALLY stop for you to pee.
Husband: Zev, you sure YOU don’t have to pee?
Zev (crossing legs, shifting oddly, and wincing): Oh yes, I’m quite sure. Fine. FINE.
Needless to say we stopped for ME, the non-pregnant man, to pee. I don’t generally have a small bladder, but on that fateful evening, something was amiss. At least the couple was nice about it and didn’t make me pee in my trousers. Good people, those Landmans.
I will leave you with this - is there a such thing as street peeing etiquette? Or, since a street-peer is partaking in an intrinsically disgusting activity, maybe all etiquette is thrown to the wind? (And hopefully the pee isn’t thrown into the wind cause then the guy who drives the red Honda Civic is gonna be so pissed tomorrow morning).
posted by SINGERZ at 11:45 PM
7 Comments:
Zev - dont you think it about time you revealed the true reason you frequently stop at Highway restrooms...
nope, not funny. try again please. actually, dont.
Dear Lovely Anonymous,
If you don't like my jokes, please don't read them.
Hugs and Kisses,
Zev
dear lovely zev-
i only read them because you're just so terribly irresistable.
hugs and kisses,
anonymous
i might have wrote about this once, or maybe it was in a dream i had, but i definetly think that there is such a thing as public street urination ettiquete. When I was living in NYC this summer, I was walking back to my apartment on Friday afternoon on 97th street and broadway, and some dude is just walking by me and peeing. Not standing in a corner. Not standing against a wall. Just out there baby. Violation of street urination etiquette right there.
Zev,
Great post. I love the use of the word "sidle". I know you got it from Seinfeld, but I don't care. As for street-peeing, I have seen people insist on half-hugging a lamp post so the oncoming traffic can't see their "basar" while they make "mei reglaim".
Zev - I was laughing hard at the Jersey Fart smell comment. I always do the...thinking in head "Did I just fart?!?"
-hows the mouse gel pad doing? :)
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