Thursday, November 16, 2006

A Day for the Eavesdrop

by Mink

Whether it is on a subway, at a restaurant or when peering through a hole you created in the ladies bathroom, eavesdropping (weird word...try saying it a few times) is unavoidable. Yesterday unintentional eavesdropping was the theme, as well as the highlight, of my day. Please allow me to share with the class.

I was walking near the law school when I overheard a snippet of a female student's cell phone conversation. She emphatically told the poor soul on the other line that "it is not just about Miami G-d damn it!!!!!)" I found myself intrigued and tried to eavesdrop.

Inner monologue:

---What could possibly be negatively associated with Miami? Did your boyfriend cheat on you there? If so are you single now? Looking for a pseudo-functional rebound guy?

---Was it something you ate in South Beach? a bad sunburn? (spf 45 aloe vera works like a charm and doesn't leave that oily residue) distraught over the UMiami player who was murdered?

----And if it wasn't just about Miami what the hell is this all about? Perhaps the voice on the other line was a movie-scene ruiner spoiling all the lines from the Borat movie that she planned to see this weekend. Or perhaps it was just a roomate who failed to wash one dish too many.

---Ok buddy you just need to simmer down and get a hold of yourself. (not sure if this was directed to myself or the hostile phone converser).

---And did she just use the word G-d in the same sentence with Miami? I think the last time I heard the two linked was when a favorite college professor of mine proclaimed "Miami, otherwise known as G-d's waiting room." (editor's note--- I am not using the "-" so much for religious reasons as I am trying to protect the heavenly father from having this absurd site come up on a google search of His own name).

Well after an awkward and abrupt pause in my walk and a non-discrete stare, I decided I would not get any answers and was on my way. This bizzare street eavesdrop sadly was the highlight of my otherwise uneventful day. However, thanks to the paper thin walls of my apartment building I was blessed with a much better eavesdrop moment after dark.

The night-time soundbyte was not really a conversation, rather I would more appropriately describe what I heard as the "moans of passion" or the "grunts of love."

Inner monologue #2:

---Is that a female voice screaming for help? Should I go knock on their door?

---No that is not a yell, sounds more like moan.

---Wait, let me find a better ear angle...... there we go.....yeah repeated expressions of jubilation.....Sounds like Maria Sharapova playing tennis.

---Sexytime, wawaweewa!

---Wow, still going.....will this be weird when I get my mail tommorrow and this couple says hello? Should I give them accolades for this performance?

---Ok I need to get some sleep. Should I go knock on their door?


Anonymous Don said...

Monica Seles was the one who made noises during Tennis, not Steffi Graff.

12:16 PM  
Blogger The Mink said...

Maria Sharapova apparently grunts even better than Monica.

12:29 PM  
Blogger F. Pants McFadden said...

Overheard while walking on the street in DC:

"Well, if I don't see you in Israel..."

Hands-down the best.

4:58 PM  
Blogger Chaya said...

I know I have told u ure past posts were funny, but this one tops all! I read it three times so I could have more luaghs

5:00 PM  
Anonymous slutty mcwhore said...

i was once invited to spend the night at a friend's house. she graciously gave me my own room. and then kept me up for hours as i heard her and the boyfriend knock the bed up against the wall for the next 3 hours, interspersed with one or the other calling out names. it was insane.
they didnt even invite me to join.

8:49 AM  
Anonymous Fuckity Fukfuk said...

I once stayed in a hostel in Israel. the couple sleeping in the bed underneath me (yes, they gave me a top bunk), proceeded to fuckity fuk fuk all night long. i couldn't see them because of the sheets wrapped around "their" bed, but the moaning, yelling, bumping, and rocking kinda gave it away. was kinda like one of those beds that you put quarters into, only this one had smelly drunken european's F'ing underneath it. good times.

12:18 PM  

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