Friday, September 29, 2006

We Are Not Pregnant

By Mink

As my fellow Jewish people approach Yom Kippur, the most reflective day of the year, I have been doing a lot of reflecting and soul searching. But recently, in these precious meditative sessions (which usually occur on my throne with a flusher), my brain has been clogged up (no pun intended) trying to make sense of an annoying phrase that I have heard way too frequently of late.

Several of my more mature friends have begun conceiving children. And for some reason when the husband decides to interrupt my reruns of Scrubs to bring me the grand news he will say something like this "Just wanted to let you know that we are pregnant." Am I the only one that thinks this is outlandish? Yes this is wonderful news and I am excited for your new cheese drooling addition but unless you are now the governor of California, (see the legendary Junior) it is never acceptable for a male to utter this phrase.

Your involvement in the pregnancy starts and ends with the magical night that you slipped one past the goalie (if you are looking for a full birds and bees explanation send an email over to SingerZ). The statement "We are pregnant" suggests that you are the one with the weird hormone changes, vomiting, and maternity clothes. Despite the fact, that during a brief stretch in law school I had these symptoms and wore overgrown sweatshirts, I am pretty sure the only thing I will ever be able to deliver is a bad joke.


So please, if you are going to announce that your wife is pregnant. Firstly, don't interrupt my TV time and second don't give me that "we are pregnant" garbage. If you insist on including yourself in the statement try something such as "I knocked my wife up." Or best of all you could say nothing at all, invite all your friends to a barbecue and let a cake with a sonogram covered in frosting do the talking (see picture below---Nate you are a genious).

Have a happy new year .


5 Comments:

Anonymous YCTFeminazis said...

Only Chovevei people would say such a thing.

11:53 AM  
Anonymous bots member said...

I agree with you.

2:01 PM  
Anonymous Errr Bitch said...

it's kind of like saying: "we have a vagina!"

2:52 PM  
Anonymous amalia said...

gives me the creeps when guys say that. well done, mink. do these dudes know they make people question their role as the male when they say weird things like that?

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's one thing for the husband to say it (considering he at least had something to do with it), but this ever spreads to the kids, then we've got some serious problems. Imagine 9 yr. old Rivki-Mashi going around telling everyone "we're pregnant!"

5:05 PM  

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