Friday, October 06, 2006

My Cottage Cheese: The Sending of "Regards"

By Mink

Ok you will have to excuse me. Of late I have gone away from posting about some of my ridiculous mis-adventures and instead have commented on some annoying phrases or behavior that I have observed from some of the more mainstream human beings whom I sometimes find myself around (although generally I try to surround myself with a collection of SingerZ-type inappropriate brain damaged clowns).

That being said, I feel obliged to address yet another pet peeve of mine that has recently come to light. So by now the annoyed readers (if there are still any) are probably wondering what in the world could possibly be my deeply philosophical and brilliant societal beef (Btw...why is that even a phrase? shouldn't beef always be associated with pleasant things and not used as a synonym for a gripe or qualm? I see the word beef I immediately think melt -in- your- mouth, juicy tenderloin steak, and its hard to have a gripe with that....but I digress)

So my Cottage Cheese (now I think we all can agree that this is a food that stands for an aggravation) centers around the excessive sending of regards. Now we all are guilty of this. Here is what I mean. You have a convo with your friend on the phone and the friend mentions some other person who they are about to see whom you also know. So instinctively you say something to the effect of "Oh please send him my regards!"

Now its fine to say this because it is polite and a conversational norm but clearly your friend is under no obligation to act as a messenger in the sending of your regards. And if you genuinely expect him or her to actually carry out your dirty work, then well I think of you as part of the cottage cheese (And for those of you wondering what my beef is with cottage cheese: Ever since I was a little kid, that is the one food that disturbs me even more than Roseanne Barr singing the national anthem is soggy, kernelly and looks like baby drool.)

Anyway back to my drivel: The point is that if you really want to send "regards" (whatever that means) then pick up the phone and call the person. The bottom line is that the reason you are "sending" the regards in the first place is that you don't really care enough about the "regardee" to speak to them yourself.

My friend Julie disagrees and she got annoyed at me when she tried to send off the"regards" to my sister who is visiting this weekend from California. When I informed her that my sending of such a message was unlikely, she got all hissy and proclaimed that everyone sends regards and that I am just an asshole for not relaying the message.

Well that may be true. But I am right. But to humor Julie I will relay the message. Here it goes:

Dear Rachel (my sister),

Julie told me to tell you that she "sends her regards." She doesn't really think enough of you to call you herself. But she does want you to make sure that you receive her very meaningful "regards."

How's that?


Anonymous Herr Bitch.. said...

please send my regards to zev

2:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nobody ever sends regards to Mink because they don't care about him enough

8:16 AM  
Blogger KASELL said...

Mink, you are a misanthropic sonofabitch. By the way, how are you? Long time.

10:19 PM  
Blogger The Orshans said...

I agree.

11:42 AM  
Blogger mugsy682 said...

It was rumored for the us in summer 06. what the hell happened? By the way, I enjoy cottage cheese when it has fruit on the bottom, especially pinapple.

9:42 PM  
Blogger mugsy682 said...

I am Kogz by the way

9:43 PM  
Blogger The Mink said...

I am well Kasell. How are you?.....You see, isn't this little exchange in the blogger comments section much more personal than the pointless sending of regards? The big K and I may not be in great touch these days but we care enough to type in some friendly questions and call each other some juvenile names.....Thanks for caring, you Asswhipe Whore. I'll see you this weekend.

11:17 PM  
Blogger EDS said...

Julie sounds like she might need a slap in the head and a new cell phone plan. Tell her to make the call herself. If you don't call (or at least feel guilty about not calling) a person before the high holy days, then you don't need to bother sending regards when the name comes up. That's the rule I go by.

Sometimes I'll even catch myself and correct it. I'll tell my wife to send regards to a friend of hers and then suddenly realize that I don't care enough about that person. So I will quickly retract the regards. Don't want to waste em on the ugly friends, right?

11:41 AM  
Blogger KASELL said...

I agree Mink. Anyway, it was good to see you this weekend, you old so and so. I'll be your wingman anytime.

8:45 PM  
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