Some Little Tricks and Trinkets and Whatnot
by singerz
We miss you audience, we miss you. While it may be true that we have been pretty lax (not the airport) about writing frequently, the blog is still a living and breathing entity. Actually, the other night I heard some living and breathing entity in my room and got scared, but then I remembered Mink was sleeping over on the dirty mattress on my floor.
Big news. I got a Masters in Disaster. I now add that to my array of academic achievements, including Professor of Love, Doctor Pepper, and my Master Blaster. Mink shutup, your jokes aren’t funny either. At least I don’t steal my jokes from other people. And when I do, it is from people that you’ve never heard of.
In other news, I really like Coke-Cherry-Zero. Like REALLY like. Like more than a friend.
Here are some things that have happened recently or popped into my head that I find funny. And if I say they’re funny, then they MUST be. (Some actually happened, some I made up, some I stole, you’ll never know which is which, na-nee na-nee na na, sticks and bones will break my hurt but stones will never name me- or some shit like that)
Public Relations: I was working at the Israeli Embassy. One of the bosses said to an Israeli guy and girl who were working together on an event, "You two are in charge of public relations." Fast forward a few hours later. I get a news email in my inbox at work with the subject “Two Israelis Arrested For Public Fornication." (Note: Fornication is a ridiculous word. Also, isn’t it funny when people who don't speak English well fornicate in public?)
Look Where, Mom? I was home at my parents’ house for a weekend. I was watching TV with my mom, checking my email on a laptop. There was a commercial for some clothing store with a girl wearing a skirt my mom liked. I hear, "Zev, do me a favor, can you look up her skirt?" Excuse me? That's not how I was raised.
Fat can be Funny: A friend of mine who works for some weird lab was doing a study on fat people. He was complaining that their test group had too few people in it. He said to me: "Our new obesity study is really looking for a larger test group." What, his other people weren’t fat enough to study?
The Solar System is Weird: My roommate was watching Jeopardy© and I was in our kitchen making dinner (did you like the copyright symbol I put next to Jeopardy? I'm fancy like that). Little did I know, there was a category about the solar system. Either way, wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable if your roommate asked you the following question: "Yo, is there a ring of debris around Uranus?"
Over and out.
We miss you audience, we miss you. While it may be true that we have been pretty lax (not the airport) about writing frequently, the blog is still a living and breathing entity. Actually, the other night I heard some living and breathing entity in my room and got scared, but then I remembered Mink was sleeping over on the dirty mattress on my floor.
Big news. I got a Masters in Disaster. I now add that to my array of academic achievements, including Professor of Love, Doctor Pepper, and my Master Blaster. Mink shutup, your jokes aren’t funny either. At least I don’t steal my jokes from other people. And when I do, it is from people that you’ve never heard of.
In other news, I really like Coke-Cherry-Zero. Like REALLY like. Like more than a friend.
Here are some things that have happened recently or popped into my head that I find funny. And if I say they’re funny, then they MUST be. (Some actually happened, some I made up, some I stole, you’ll never know which is which, na-nee na-nee na na, sticks and bones will break my hurt but stones will never name me- or some shit like that)
Public Relations: I was working at the Israeli Embassy. One of the bosses said to an Israeli guy and girl who were working together on an event, "You two are in charge of public relations." Fast forward a few hours later. I get a news email in my inbox at work with the subject “Two Israelis Arrested For Public Fornication." (Note: Fornication is a ridiculous word. Also, isn’t it funny when people who don't speak English well fornicate in public?)
Look Where, Mom? I was home at my parents’ house for a weekend. I was watching TV with my mom, checking my email on a laptop. There was a commercial for some clothing store with a girl wearing a skirt my mom liked. I hear, "Zev, do me a favor, can you look up her skirt?" Excuse me? That's not how I was raised.
Fat can be Funny: A friend of mine who works for some weird lab was doing a study on fat people. He was complaining that their test group had too few people in it. He said to me: "Our new obesity study is really looking for a larger test group." What, his other people weren’t fat enough to study?
The Solar System is Weird: My roommate was watching Jeopardy© and I was in our kitchen making dinner (did you like the copyright symbol I put next to Jeopardy? I'm fancy like that). Little did I know, there was a category about the solar system. Either way, wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable if your roommate asked you the following question: "Yo, is there a ring of debris around Uranus?"
Over and out.
posted by SINGERZ at 9:52 AM
5 Comments:
I believe a (TM) is the appropriate sign after Jeopardy. Come on Zev!
Ah damn, I must have not attended class when they taught that stuff...Class + Zev = Bad Combo.
**runs into post and waves hands wildly**
I still read your blog! I just don't comment often!
p.s. I am obsessed with cherry coke zero.
You fools don't write enough...better get cracking or you'll lose customers
Actually I believe the Federally registered trademark sign, (R) is in order here. (TM) merely denotes that the sign or word is being used as a trademark locally, while Jeopardy enjoys trademark protection nationwide.
Post a Comment
<< Home