Oven Roasted Undies and The Vacation From Myself
By Mink
Well it has been a while since we last spoke but I think we all needed a break. What is annoying is that while you can get a rest from me any time you choose, I can never get away from myself. The bad jokes, word associations and endless sports trivia follow me around every waking moment 365 days a year. You know, sometimes I just want a vacation from myself...
So last week I tried to take one. I wasn't exactly sure where I was heading, but I was excited-- this was going to be marvelous. I got in the Camry and started up 95 towards the big apple. I made it all the way up to the Delaware Memorial Bridge before I looked in the rearview mirror and realized I was being followed. I tried switching lanes, pulling over, and even taking some weird Jersey back roads before getting insanely lost and almost missing the Jersey Bar Exam (but that's neither here nor there). The point is no matter where I went I couldn't shake my pale ass.
With the vacation from myself not in the cards, I settled for the next best thing--laundry. Now I hate laundry as much as the next guy, but there are few things I enjoy more than putting on a warm pair of boxers straight out of the dryer. The boys just love the cookies straight out of the oven-- so wonderfly soft, warm, and tingly.
Now glowing from the oven roasted undies, I reached my relaxation apex as I watched some college basketball followed by some Devil Wears Prada (Anne Hathaway is just glorious). Anyway, it turns out I actually was able to get a mini vacation from myself.
But it didn't last long. I laid in bed for hours trying to think of some perfect first names for Zev's future children. I finally was able to fall asleep at 4 am after coming up with: Jazz, Wedding, Lounge, and Solo. My vacation from myself may be over but I guess that's not so bad when it can conceive a dude named Jazz Singer. And by "conceive" I just mean the idea...not that there is anything wrong with that. Ok I lied. There is something very wrong about that one.
Well it has been a while since we last spoke but I think we all needed a break. What is annoying is that while you can get a rest from me any time you choose, I can never get away from myself. The bad jokes, word associations and endless sports trivia follow me around every waking moment 365 days a year. You know, sometimes I just want a vacation from myself...
So last week I tried to take one. I wasn't exactly sure where I was heading, but I was excited-- this was going to be marvelous. I got in the Camry and started up 95 towards the big apple. I made it all the way up to the Delaware Memorial Bridge before I looked in the rearview mirror and realized I was being followed. I tried switching lanes, pulling over, and even taking some weird Jersey back roads before getting insanely lost and almost missing the Jersey Bar Exam (but that's neither here nor there). The point is no matter where I went I couldn't shake my pale ass.
With the vacation from myself not in the cards, I settled for the next best thing--laundry. Now I hate laundry as much as the next guy, but there are few things I enjoy more than putting on a warm pair of boxers straight out of the dryer. The boys just love the cookies straight out of the oven-- so wonderfly soft, warm, and tingly.
Now glowing from the oven roasted undies, I reached my relaxation apex as I watched some college basketball followed by some Devil Wears Prada (Anne Hathaway is just glorious). Anyway, it turns out I actually was able to get a mini vacation from myself.
But it didn't last long. I laid in bed for hours trying to think of some perfect first names for Zev's future children. I finally was able to fall asleep at 4 am after coming up with: Jazz, Wedding, Lounge, and Solo. My vacation from myself may be over but I guess that's not so bad when it can conceive a dude named Jazz Singer. And by "conceive" I just mean the idea...not that there is anything wrong with that. Ok I lied. There is something very wrong about that one.
posted by The Mink at 12:48 PM
2 Comments:
Missed you. Hope to read more soon. Next time don't stay away too long.
Well said.
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