Tales of an Insomniac
By singerz
Most of you don’t understand what life is like on the dark side. I am referring to life as an insomniac. Some pretty strange things can occur while lying in bed and trying to sleep between the hours of 3am and 6am. Here are some of the classics that I hope many of you will never have to experience but that I deal with on a near-nightly basis.
The Car Alarm
This is something that never ceases to amaze me. I really want to meet the guy who came up with the actual noises that the car alarm makes (actually, no I don’t. He’s probably really loud and annoying. His friends must say- Frank! Jesus man, its 2am, stop making rhythmic noises and alternating excessively loud sounds every 6 seconds outside of my window). The alarm drives me crazy- shoot me (don't really, please).
The Hopeful Noise
This can come in many forms and its simply a noise that leads me to believe that someone is awake in my apartment at this late hour. Example: I think I hear a creak outside of my room. “Brian? (excitedly) Brian? Is that you? Are you up? (getting really excited now) Want to talk? Are you up? Hello? Hows work? Want to chat? (then realizing its just the pipes creaking) *%#& you, you sleeping bastard.”
The IM sign on
Who the hell is up and IMing at 4am, you ask? The answer, my friends, is that guy who I haven’t talked to since camp in 1989. But I’m desperate for human contact, and so let the games begin:
Zev: Yo.
Camp Guy: Who the hell is this?
Zev: Its me, Zev, from camp.
Camp Guy: Camp? Which camp?
Zev: Remember, the all-boys strange religious camp we went to in ’89?
Camp Guy: Ummm, sort of.
Zev: So anyway, whats up? Anything new?
Camp Guy: Since 1989? Yes, a few things are new.
Zev: I have time.
Numbers Games
My dad always tells me that when I can’t sleep, I should play numbers games in my head. For example, he tells me to break down numbers to their factors to see if they are prime numbers. There are a few problems with this strategy: a) it’s not fun b) it’s really weird c) I can’t get past 19 (and yes, 19 is a prime number, stop doing the math before you hurt yourself).
Blog checking
Did someone post another comment? Did I read that comment yet? Is Anonymous poster still a dick?
I’m always open to ideas. For example, last night I found out that a minute on my cell-phone is really 61 seconds while a minute on my alarm clock is a little less than 60 seconds. Amazing, truly amazing and interesting. Please do not ask me how many minutes I watched go by on the clock to figure this out (the correct answer is 82).
G’night all, I’m off to bed. And maybe sleep. Probably not.
Most of you don’t understand what life is like on the dark side. I am referring to life as an insomniac. Some pretty strange things can occur while lying in bed and trying to sleep between the hours of 3am and 6am. Here are some of the classics that I hope many of you will never have to experience but that I deal with on a near-nightly basis.
The Car Alarm
This is something that never ceases to amaze me. I really want to meet the guy who came up with the actual noises that the car alarm makes (actually, no I don’t. He’s probably really loud and annoying. His friends must say- Frank! Jesus man, its 2am, stop making rhythmic noises and alternating excessively loud sounds every 6 seconds outside of my window). The alarm drives me crazy- shoot me (don't really, please).
The Hopeful Noise
This can come in many forms and its simply a noise that leads me to believe that someone is awake in my apartment at this late hour. Example: I think I hear a creak outside of my room. “Brian? (excitedly) Brian? Is that you? Are you up? (getting really excited now) Want to talk? Are you up? Hello? Hows work? Want to chat? (then realizing its just the pipes creaking) *%#& you, you sleeping bastard.”
The IM sign on
Who the hell is up and IMing at 4am, you ask? The answer, my friends, is that guy who I haven’t talked to since camp in 1989. But I’m desperate for human contact, and so let the games begin:
Zev: Yo.
Camp Guy: Who the hell is this?
Zev: Its me, Zev, from camp.
Camp Guy: Camp? Which camp?
Zev: Remember, the all-boys strange religious camp we went to in ’89?
Camp Guy: Ummm, sort of.
Zev: So anyway, whats up? Anything new?
Camp Guy: Since 1989? Yes, a few things are new.
Zev: I have time.
Numbers Games
My dad always tells me that when I can’t sleep, I should play numbers games in my head. For example, he tells me to break down numbers to their factors to see if they are prime numbers. There are a few problems with this strategy: a) it’s not fun b) it’s really weird c) I can’t get past 19 (and yes, 19 is a prime number, stop doing the math before you hurt yourself).
Blog checking
Did someone post another comment? Did I read that comment yet? Is Anonymous poster still a dick?
I’m always open to ideas. For example, last night I found out that a minute on my cell-phone is really 61 seconds while a minute on my alarm clock is a little less than 60 seconds. Amazing, truly amazing and interesting. Please do not ask me how many minutes I watched go by on the clock to figure this out (the correct answer is 82).
G’night all, I’m off to bed. And maybe sleep. Probably not.
posted by SINGERZ at 9:40 PM
12 Comments:
Maybe youll dream up some humor...
zev I can commiserate, often its me signing on at 3 am-that is I used to sign on until my computer broke, now I can't even blog/IM when I can't sleep
Best blog ever, I'm keeping you in my favorites, although I have no clue who you are. Keep on writing!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I couldnt bare to see my posting all alone with no comments so here we go.
Joke is on me because last night, after I posted the blog, I fell asleep almost immediately. Chew on that.
This is not funny. Pack your things and go home, ya bastad.
yonah i would not talk about large heads if i were you......stop dissing zevs lovley pumpkin head (hehehe)
i think chaya's second comment was unnecessary, as it didn't really tell me anything i hadn't already known from her first comment
I deleted it fades.
Just came across your blog. Entertaining. I can't decide what is more annoying, blog spam or the anonymous guy who keeps bashing you... If you find out who it is, you should set his house on fire. That usually sends a strong message of disapproval. Peace.
Eds, I like your attitude. You're welcome to the blog anytime, just please stay away from my house.
Ha. Not a problem.
I save my incindiary devices for people who irk me, not those who entertain me.
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